Oh how I love expectations. Can you catch the sarcasm? It's good to have goals, right? It's good to have ambitions, dreams and desires. If we didn't have these things, I'm not sure life would be much fun. It's our human nature to encourage ourselves to grow and evolve, and to encourage and support others to do the same.
That's where expectations come in the picture. I think the main blockage for growth is the expectations we put on others and ourselves. It's kind of hard to really pinpoint where these expectations originally stem from. Possibly societal pressures. Our parents. The Media. Social media. Our Culture....who knows. I don't think the point is to try and find the source (although my mind wants that answer and will certainly throw me down the rabbit hole to try and find it). The point and issue is that we have expectations and when our life or someone doesn't adhere to the idea we have in our mind, we're left feeling very upset. Maybe not all of us, but I think most can relate to this pattern of events.
For me, I've DEFINITELY felt this way. I've had an idea in my head as to what my life should look like. What my job should look like. What my romantic life should look like. You get the point, AND Social Media definitely doesn't help. I think a lot of people look at Social Media and see all these 'happy' people and compare their lives to this image. Well....this can be unhealthy. Many of us know these images and stories of other people's journey's aren't always filled with rainbows and butterflies. Even though we may know this to be true, it's still hard not to compare, right? I do. Some days I care less and other days I go down the rabbit hole and before I know it, I've engaged in negative thinking.
Expectations. The bottom line is you have to be your source of happiness. No one else can, will or should be. Of course people and experiences will bring you joy, I'm not saying they won't. What I'm saying is, life changes. You have no idea what will happen tomorrow. That person could be gone, that job could no longer exist. So if you put all your happiness into external things, you will be unhappy. It's inevitable. At least that's my experience.
I don't necessarily think that being human is easy. Yes, I'm very grateful for my life, don't get me wrong. I've always felt that we each are here for a purpose and to be of service to others. But to be honest, I have to do constant work on myself to grow and evolve. Not everyone chooses to grab the magnifying class to examine their character defects etc. to create a journey of change and transformation. I'm grateful I've been given the strength and courage to take the plunge to do the work, even if it's into the darkness. As we all know, it's darkest before the dawn.
What I'm getting at is......it's SO liberating to find happiness inside you. You feel free. Other people's actions don't impact you like they did in the past. You don't crumble if someone doesn't show up the way you want. Or if the job you romanticized in your head doesn't manifest in the way your mind told you it would, you don't completely lose your shit.
You begin to see that life is funny, weird, precious and SO SHORT, and that we're all in this together!
When I think about the past expectations I would put on others, I laugh. Not that they were crazy asks or anything but just unrealistic, you know?. I smile now inside because I realize I stopped seeing the other person, I stopping seeing my truth, I stopped connecting to my inner self and heart. I lost the link to compassion.
It's a miraculous feeling when an event doesn't turn out the way you thought it should. Then you look back a few months later and are so grateful you didn't get what you thought you wanted, but you got exactly what you needed.
Through the inner work I've chosen to do, I've become way more accepting of myself and cultivated more self love. With that acceptance, guess what? I'm way more accepting of life. Life on life's terms. I'm humbled, very humbled today. We're all doing the best we can, so when life doesn't happen the way you thought or that person doesn't act in the way you want, remember we're all in this together. Interconnected, always.
Much love love love xo